Don't be a hater

Ok…you know what? Something weird is going on. I know it may seem odd when I say this, but I have this sneaking suspicion that someone new is reading my blog.

Is it sneaking or stinking? Either way, it smells funny in here.

I’m not positive, but I have this feeling that my dad is reading my blog. I know, I know…those of you that know my dad are saying, “there is absolutely no way in hell he is reading your blog.” Why? Because he doesn’t know anything about computers, DVR’s, programming clocks, cell phones or setting the timer on the microwave. Let’s just say he is “technically challenged.”

So it definitely brings up the question, if he is so technically challenged, how would he be reading my blog? Well, as much as I hate to do this, I’m going to have to pin it on my sister-in-law who shall now be known as “Mrs. I don’t want to hear about your underwear”. Yeah you know who you are! I’m calling you out, in the nicest way, of course!

There is just no other logical explanation…Some of you may be wondering how it is that I think he may be reading my blog. Honestly, it’s just a hunch I have based on some of the conversations we have been having lately. He brings up things that we haven’t talked about before, but that I have written about here.

So, I can only conclude one of two things, either he has figured out how to turn a computer on (hell will freeze over before that happens) or someone is feeding him information. Sorry, Mrs. I don’t want to hear about your underwear…I’m blaming you!

Either way, it doesn’t really matter, but I feel like I need to clear up a few things about some posts I have written in the past.

So dad, if you are reading this let it be known that:

This blog is mostly fiction…like 99%, yeah….99% that’s a good number (ssssshhhhh…what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him)

I am a good girl…if the image I portray is not of the good girl nature then I am totally making it up.

I would never ever get in a car with a guy on the first date, nor let him massage my feet

I save at least 50% of my paycheck and rarely blow money at Target, on booze, or fun.

Yes I would ditch my family and friends for a chance with Ryan Reynolds…that’s no lie

Please don’t count the jeans in my closet and tell my friends how many pair I actually own…as far as they are concerned, it’s 27…a solid 27!

No matter what I say, I am really looking for more qualities than just “breathing” in my future husband

Don’t, I repeat, don’t ask me why it is not appropriate to eat a banana in the aisile of the Home Depot on a Saturday morning

Please don’t get mad that I shared the story about the conversation we had about the “beeper thingy” that was driving you nuts (beeper thingy = stopwatch)

And last but not least…

No matter what you think, I do not…let me repeat, DO NOT intentionally put my kids in harms way when I’m driving…I just get distracted easily…squirrel!

Welcome to the madness that is my life dad if that is, in fact, you who has somehow figured out a way to read my blog.

And if it’s not you, dad, that is reading my blog, then everything that you just read here is pretty spot on about my life… I’m just saying!