Project Love: Day #9

Love Affair

Romantic movies are popular for their happy endings. However, what people often don’t get is that these movies are only meant to entertain. Unfortunately, romantic comedies often give us unrealistic expectations about real-life relationships. Everyone likes to leave the movie theater with a happy feeling, the feeling that the guy got the girl and that they found something really special. The problem with this perception is that it often becomes the reality that people base their own romantic lives on.

I have to admit, when I see things like this
or this

I tend to put myself in the position of the female lead in the movie. In reality, I understand that things like this don’t normally happen, but in the basis of my head, which we all know controls my life to the full, I just don’t get it. I tend to still day dream about how I could be the lovely underdog being sought out by an unknowingly beautiful man.

And when I start to daydream, I create images like thisin my mind…you see, there I go again, Me and my Ryan Reynolds happily portraying the roles of Richard Gere and Debra Winger! It could happen, right? (thanks to my good buddy, Lynn, over here, for hooking me up with this fabulous picture)…Maybe it’s images like these that are what screw up the reality that has become my “lack of love” love life.

I mean, if you really think about it, most romantic comedies depict couples falling instantly in love and promote the idea of fate. There is also this underlying theme that the couples in these movies immediately understand one another. And it’s these ideas that set us up for disappointment or give us permission to create unrealistic expectations in our real life relationships. Unfortunately, it’s these types of movies that often allow us to forget about the big picture…no one ever farts in romantic comedies! Am I right people? Think about it!

What has happened is that we treat these on screen relationships as absolutes! When we see Ryan Reynolds wake up happy and cuddling with Sandra Bullock in the morning, we tend to think this is the normal for every morning. And the fact that Prince Charming would go from girl to girl to girl to find his princess is just unrealistic, yet we allow those fantasies to take over our real life relationships. We are in a sense being fed a picture of how men should act.

The idea has become that people will do absolutely anything for love. We are fed this pretty picture of how men are “supposed to act”. For example, in the movies, if a man finally realizes that he is in love with his female best friend he will make some grand gesture to prove his love for her. He will pull out all the stops, flowers, candles, jewelry, great food, mood music, cross country flights. Real men? Not so much! Men can be romantic, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not practical for them to fly across the country to tell his best friend that he loves her.

And if that isn’t enough, the “simple equation” that has become romantic comedies, is enough to make any woman go bonkers.

Picture this…they meet, they fall in love, an obstacle arises, they break up, one of the two realizes what an idiot he has been and makes the grand gesture, all is forgiven, they fall back in love and live happily ever after. THE END.

It’s often this simplification that throws real life relationships for a loop. What romantic comedies fail to communicate is that there is never just one obstacle. Real relationships are usually working through one obstacle after another…things are never good forever.

But this is the trap people (usually women) fall into. Movies constantly give us this idea that if we aren’t happy then it’s not meant to be or if we fight, then the relationship is doomed. Real people, like you and me, are starting to buy into this. And it’s when we buy into it that we become overwhelmed in our relationships which often lead to disapoinment.

It’s not to say that all of this isn’t entertaining, but real life couples need to take a step back and learn to communicate. They need to realize that hard times are normal and that true love emerges when you persevere through the tough times. Real relationships require time and energy, something that Hollywood often doesn’t promote. But until women (and men) stop expecting their fantasy, and start living in reality, we are going to continue this viscious cycle of creating unrealistic relationship expectations.

And by we, I mean me!

Love is a Battlefield