Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Project Love: Day #10

Love at first sight

Do you remember that guy from high school that you couldn’t take your eyes off of? You thought he had personally ordered Cupid to aim straight for your heart and steal it away. You know, the one you were convinced would be the father of your children until you heard from the girl two lockers down that he was dating her best friends cousin? You believed in love at first sit then, but after that experience, you grew up quickly, and realized it was probably just one of those Julia Roberts recipes for a Hollywood blockbuster.

But even though you thought you learned your lesson back then, you had an experience as an adult that you swore was love at first sight, only to realize weeks later that you were just head over heels for a beautiful "commitment phobe" who lived thousands of miles away…oh wait, was that just me? Am I the only one stupid enough to fall into that “love at first sight/soul mate” gig as an adult? Am I the only one that had a blurred sense of what instantaneous “love” represented? Was I blinded by the “Hollywood bad boy” that entered my life? Or was I just having trouble distinguishing between having a crush on, being attracted to and falling in love with somebody?

So I don’t feel like such an idiot…I chose the latter. I chose to believe that my “people picker” just had a mind of its own and a direct hand on my heart. And once my heart got involved, it was all over for me.

I believe people fall in love when they meet someone who meets their unconscious criteria, or in other words, when we meet someone who occupies the same qualities as us or a person dear to us. It is this instant connection that I believe determines one persons’ overall attractiveness to another. In mere minutes, I believe we are able to determine the strength of our feelings for one another, not only by their looks, but by how they interact with us, the way they smell, the tone of their voice and the way we feel around them.

I often joke about my “people picker” being broken because I haven’t found the one I am set out to spend the rest of my life with yet. Oh, I thought I had found him at one point in time, but, as we all know, lasting love is a two way street. And I was caught at the dead end of that particular street, if you know what I mean….but I digress…back on track.

I have three different criteria that I base my immediate attraction to men on, physical attractiveness, voice, and words, in that particular order.

First, let me say that, yes, I am embarrassed to admit that physical beauty is the first thing I judge a potential life partner on. I hate that it is this way, but I am only human, and I can’t help it. I wish that outer beauty wasn’t that important, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t rank high on my list when searching for a soul mate. I just feel like sometimes my brain immediately eliminates anyone who is too short, too old, and too scruffy for my taste. It’s like I don’t have control.

Once I have figured out the physical beauty aspect of a man, I am immediately focused on their voice. In a matter of seconds, I can decide if it is something that I can live with or not. I tend to be more attracted to men with a deeper fuller voice. Unfortunately men tend to like the deep, sexy voice of a petite woman, and I am neither petite, nor do I have a sexy voice!

And last but not least you can tell a lot about a man by the words that come out of his mouth. I like men who speak like me or use the same kinds of words that I use. I’m attracted to men who use longer more descriptive words and favor sarcasm. I hate slang or abbreviated text words like, OMG and LOL when used in conversation. That is a total turn off and is sure to be the end of a future with me.

And men that speak “my language”, translation: talk about things I am interested in right off that bat are definitely winners in my book. I am a sucker for a guy that shows genuine interest in me when I talk about my career, because most men lose interest as soon as I tell them I run a non-profit Christian Ministry. I think they immediately deduce, “she is a prude that doesn’t like to have fun”. But I guess I can’t blame them because I do the same with them. If they talk like Mickey Mouse or Mike Tyson I don’t want to hang out with them either.

So there you have it! Whether it is love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first couple of minutes can make or break any romance!

Love is a Battlefield.

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