I'm a sucker for

When I was poking my brain trying to come up with some ideas of things to write about today I started listing some things that I am a total sucker for. After compiling this list, I realized that I didn’t have quite enough of anything to write an entire post about, but what I did have is a fantastic list of things that make me feel good and make me smile. And who doesn’t love thinking of things that make you smile? So I thought I would share this list with you…it’s not complete, nor will it ever be complete, but it makes me happy! I hope it makes you happy too!



- Beautiful fall days
- Thinking about the best date I ever went on
- Hamilton & Gibson
- Football, especially the Indianapolis Colts and Ohio State Buckeyes
- Writing
- A day with absolutely no responsibilities
- Dark chocolate
- The smell of fresh cut grass
- Kiss, the band and the action
- Time with my girlfriends
- Boys that will break my heart
- Movies of any kind
- Tootsie Pops
- Paul Giamanti, because he is flat out amazing
- Photography
- Creative people
- Someone else washing my hair
- Effen Vodka
- Making lists
- The perfect status update for FaceBook
- Desperate Housewives, of any kind, The OC, New York, New Jersey, and even Atlanta
- A big, fat, glossy fashion magazine
- My bed
- My closet
- Black and white pictures
- Ryan Reynolds, because he is so beautiful
- My family
- Sleeping late
- Soup, on any day of the year
- Ice cream
- Beautiful stationary
- Snow days
- Guys who cry, but who also…you know…fix cars and do other manly things
- Handwritten letters
- John Stewart, because he is just plain funny

This list is putting a huge smile on my face as I write it…I just love it!

Signing off

The problem…the boys with online dating profiles! Typical! They are the ones who struggle to hold down a decent job. They are the ones who think they can sing for a living but in actuality, they can’t. They are the artists who aren’t quite artsy enough. They are the lower management kind of guys that will probably not amount to much more. I know this sounds snobby, but I had higher hopes when it came time for my online dating experiment. I guess deep down, I knew it probably wouldn’t amount to much. But it was definitely the distraction I was looking for…for a couple of months anyway!

I learned many lessons during this little dating experiment I was conducting. The most prevalent lesson by far was that the online dating world is quite different from meeting real people, in real places, through real connections. I guess I knew this, but it has finally sunk in…loud and clear. So for this reason and the few others that I talk about below, I have decided to put an end to this crazy experiment and put my future relationships in the hands of God and of course, my friends too!

During this experiment, I also learned that online dating was kind of like shopping for candy in a candy store. It was an overwhelming task with all of the options that were thrown my way. It was sometimes difficult to make a choice..even if I was shopping for a “particular piece”. Often I would walk by the piece I went in looking for because something fancier or prettier caught my eye. I found myself shopping this way on online dating sites as well. I would often ignore the ones that might seem right for me because someone prettier and more savvy poked his head in my profile only to ultimately find out that the prettier fancier ones were not right for me. And by the time I figured out the prettier fancier ones weren’t right for me it was to late with the ones that fit my original ideals. I just couldn’t help myself!

Ok..I will admit that I am an instant gratification kind of girl in many areas of my life. But one thing I have learned over the years is that my dating life is one area where I have had to learn to take things slower. Online dating made this very difficult for me. I have found that I actually enjoy moving at the pace of real life interactions; a couple of emails, a few phone calls, meet for drinks or coffee, and then possibly dinner. Instead I was constantly being asked out within the first one or two online interactions. This was NOT flattering. It was borderline creepy and it almost made me feel cheap at times. My problem was that when I would tell men of this process that I thought was good for me to follow, I would be rejected. Very frustrating! What happened to the times of getting to know someone a little before meeting for dinner?

My biggest frustration by far with online dating is the fact that we are NOT a society of readers. I have found that most men don’t seem to take the time to really think about who they are or what they want before completing their online profiles. Most profiles seem to either be so incoherent and almost impossible to understand or have so many misspellings that nothing makes sense! This then leaves me with no choice but to put an even bigger focus on photographs. But, I was most frustrated with the men who clearly did not read my profile before sending me an email or a wink. I can’t tell you how many times I was contacted by men who were clear in their choice to date women that didn’t have kids…hello…I have two!

So , with these lessons, I think it is time to close my online dating account and move on to bigger and better things. As a “send off” to this experiment I have been conducting, I thought I would share some random thoughts I still have about several of the men I have dated or wanted to date over the years.

-I hate that I let you hurt me!

-I wasted almost a year on you. I thought that I loved you, but I feel like you never really cared. So I stopped answering your calls and got over you. I heard the other day that you are now engaged and I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I miss you!

-When you told me you didn’t ever love me and were never attracted to me, I believed you! It only took me 3 ½ years of good expensive therapy to retrain my brain…thanks for that!

-It took you “hooking up” with two of my friends to figure out you weren’t the one for me.

-I still haven’t moved on, I think of you everyday!

-I hate myself for letting you break my heart.

-Why did you pick her and not me? What is wrong with me? You made me feel ugly!

-He is so beautiful when he laughs, it makes me want to be funny!

-I wanted you too but didn’t admit it to you because you are friends with my ex-husband. Instead, I have spent countless hours convincing myself that I didn’t want anything more than a friendship with you. I’m so sorry I hurt you!

-I know you lied to me. I know you are still lying. I don’t forgive you.

-I’m moving on only because I have to, I still have feelings for you.

-I miss your friendship terribly, but have no choice but to keep my distance because of who your friends are.

Now that is what I call closure!

Open Letters

Dear Invited Guests to Gibson’s 6th Birthday Party,

You’re right…the football field was small, but it was as big as I could make it. I don’t have an NFL size back yard, therefore, I cannot spray paint an NFL size football field in my back yard. Stop bitching and enjoy the day, after all, it was made for a six year old boy!.

Thanks,
The girl who feels under appreciated for her hard work and creative ideas
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Dear Blind Date from Saturday Night,

You were a super nice guy, however, you just reminded me way to much of my ex-husband and I don’t think I could ever get past that.

Thanks for dinner,
The girl with memories
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Dear Hamilton & Gibson,

I am sorry…this is not how I wanted to spend the summer. I was hoping to be able to take you on a fun fantabulous vacation of sorts. I imagined having the money to do this. Instead all I was able to offer you were a couple of day trips here and there. You said they were the best days ever, but I had greater hopes for our summer.

Here’s hoping for a better summer next year!

Love,
Your mom that tries to do it all
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Dear Boy…you know who you are,

If you wait for perfect conditions…life will happen around you…and once you realize that, it will be to late!

Love,
Frustrated girl in Indy
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Dear Former Mr.

It is ok to converse with me…I won’t bite! It is ok to look at me in other ways than the judgmental ways that you do…I won’t bite! You aren’t all that you think you are!

Love,
The one that is happy she got away!
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Dear God,

I’m trying! I really am! I am feeling like you are trying to teach me something, perhaps how to be strong. I don’t know. I thought I was strong, but these days, if it’s not one thing it’s another.

My marriage failed…I bounced back. I got my act together, got a great job, am supporting my kids and trying to figure out what you have in store for my future. I made some forays into dating and so far have failed miserably…to many losers, to many rejections!

All I ask is that you give me a little hint…a hint of something to look forward to…something positive that will make my days easier. Please tell me that something good is around the corner!

Thanks,
ME
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I can't believe my baby is six

I am dedicating today’s blog to my youngest son Gibson who is celebrating his sixth birthday. I can’t believe he is already six...time sure does fly when you're having fun. I have definitely enjoyed reflecting over the past six years and thinking of the numerous smiles Gibson has put on my face.

He is such a funny boy, he gets that from me! He loves waking up in the morning and truly does enjoy everything that each day brings his way. He loves sports of any kind, video games and being in kindergarten. Gibson can talk to ANYONE and has never met a stranger.

Yesterday we had a “flag football” birthday party for him. This entailed me spray painting a miniature football field in my backyard. This, I believe, has officially put me on the “coolest mom in the world” list. Even though we are from Indiana, Gibson has a fascination with the Pittsburgh Steelers and Ben Rothlesberger. So even though it killed me to see him dressed like Rothlesberger, he still made me smile. For those of you that care…the Steelers beat the Colts 34 to 28…

NICKNAMES:
Gibby
The Geekster (this one gets lots of looks when people hear me call him this)
Geeker Beaker
Gee

FUNNY THINGS GIBBY HAS SAID:

(in a frantic search for the missing DS that was sitting on his lap) “Mom, you know I have eyes like my dad and sometimes I can’t see the things that are right in front of me.”—if he only knew how true this really was

Me: Do you like my jeans?
Gibby: Yes
Me: (couldn’t stop there, oh no…I had to push the envelope)
Do they make my butt look big?
Gibby: No, but they make your belly look fat.

Gibby: Mommy, do you still love daddy?
Me: Yes (a six year old doesn’t need to know anything more than this right?)
Gibby: Well, Daddy only loves you as a friend (Damn the ex…beat me to the punch)

This morning after waking up from a jam packed busy birthday weekend: “Mommy, why do I have to go to school, I’m never leaving home anyway so I won’t ever have to get a job.”

Me: (while practicing ABC’s with Gibby) “Apple starts with….”
Gibby: “A”
Me: Boy starts with…
Gibby: “B”
Me: Car starts with…
Gibby: “Duh…a key mommy!”

“Mommy, I’m so glad I’m six…this is the oldest I have ever been.”

After giving me a kiss goodbye one morning…”Mommy, I think it’s time you get your mustache shaved.”

After driving by a yard in our neighborhood that was covered in dandelions one Spring “Mommy, why can’t we have a yard that pretty?”

FAVORITE FOOD: Chicken Wings

FAVORITE COLOR: Red

FAVORITE THING TO DO AFTER SCHOOL: Ride my bike

BEST FRIEND: My brother, Hamilton

WHO DO YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD: God (I was secretly hoping for “mommy”, but this answer is just as good)


I sometimes wish Gibby was still this…


But am so glad that he is now this…

Love is a battlefield

Ahhhh…the things we do for love! Am I right ladies? Isn’t it crazy the hoops we jump through for men? Highlights, manicures, pedicures, gym memberships…the list goes on and on and on. Oh sure, we justify these things by saying we “do them for ourselves”, but in reality, who are we kidding? We do these things to be “prettier” for the men we hope to attract. Sure I like a good manicure and pedicure, but do I really “NEED” one every other week? No, but I get one every other week for fear of running into someone cute at, let’s say, the grocery store…wearing a pair of flip flops. Men notice these things…trust me, they may tell you they don’t but they do.

I like to try new things to spice up my appearance. For example, this past week at my monthly spa appointment I tried something called a “derma plane”. This is a process of removing the peach fuzz from a woman’s face. I know it sounds kind of corny, but don’t knock it until you have tried it…Thanks Amy for the recommendation!

Another thing I have done to try to keep myself up is join a Boot Camp class. This spring I got a call from my friend Josh, who I used to work with. He owns a gym now and was starting a boot camp class and asked if I wanted to join. I am always up for the challenge so I said, “Hell yes”! Five months in and I am still loving it! I have only lost a few pounds but I have gone down two dress sizes and am currently concentrating on dwindling down my body fat percentage.

I do this class three mornings a week from 6am-7am. Most mornings it is a huge challenge to get up and get to class…I am not a morning person! But once I am done I feel awesome. And if I end up not going to class I really do feel fat all day. There was one day when I struggled to get up and get dressed for class, drug my ass out of the house, drove for almost 20 minutes and then turned around, drove home and went back to bed. That’s right people…I was five minutes away from the gym and turned around and came home…that was a tough day! The reason I love this class is because it is such a challenge, physically and mentally! I have been a couple of times when people have been wearing watches that track the number of calories they are burning during the 1 hour workout. Their numbers are anywhere from 900 calories to 1400 calories…in one hour! When I leave the gym I literally look like I have taken a shower I am so sweaty and usually my legs and arms are still shaky by the time I get to work.

The reason I am telling you this is because this weekend marks the end of the Summer Pound Down that we have been participating in for three months. And how do we reward ourselves? Me? Well, I reward myself with a day to sleep in and a huge pancake breakfast upon waking! The other, more motivated people than me? They reward themselves with a three hour challenge. Hold onto your hats people…here is what is involved in the challenge that these dedicated gym goers will be doing tomorrow morning as I am stuffing myself with pancakes…keep in mind all of these things are timed as well as counted…

1. 3 mile run…I know, sounds easy! But this, my friend, is just the warm up.

2. 24 hill runs…this is just what it says…running up and down a huge hill 24 times. And if you are lucky, running is the only thing you are doing. Sometimes, if Josh is in a grumpy mood, we have to do things like lunges and side shuffles up and down the hill…SUCKS!

3. Push ups…Men have to do 400 and women have to do 200 if they are done normally or 400 if they are done on the knees. I was talking to Josh today and he is allotting 30 minutes for this portion of the challenge. He can do 400 pushups in under 5 minutes, I’m just saying! The dude has a kick as body and his strength is AMAZING!

4. Farmers walk…this may sound easy, but it sucks too. You have to walk back and forth on a flat surface carrying 50% of your body weight if you are a man and 35% of your body weight if you are a woman. In Josh’s explanation of this particular event, you have to walk 10 “small” laps. Well, I got news for you…there is no such thing as a “small” lap when you feel like you are going to throw up!

5. And last but not least…everyone has to do 500 burpees. What is a burpee you might ask? Well, in short it is PURE HELL! For those of you that don't know what a burpee is here is a link to see one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_Dq_NCzj8M). Sucks, doesn’t it? I can maybe do 25 in a row before feeling like I have to throw up…I don’t know how these people are going to do 500 of them.

So, to my buddies at Survival Fitness who are challenging themselves this weekend…I say Good Luck and Kudos to you. I will definitely be thinking about you as I am stuffing myself full of pancakes laden with fresh blueberries, homemade maple syrup and a couple of strips of lean bacon.

I need uglier friends

When I was a little girl I used to have to go to my friend Karen’s house to play Barbies. My parents were adamant about not allowing me to have barbies in our house. As a little girl, I never understood it, but as an adult, their reasoning behind this has become very clear to me. My parents never wanted me to have a distorted image of women, based on this character, Barbie. They didn’t want me growing up thinking that the 5 foot 9 inch blond bombshell, with the measurements of 36-18-33, were the same measurements of an average woman. I see their point, I really do… but the reality of it is that if I didn’t learn and adjust my thoughts about women as a kid, I would have to do it as an adult. In other words, sooner or later I would have to come to grips with reality.

My childhood was the best childhood ever! I never really knew about rejection and I never really felt like I didn’t measure up. I knew I was smart, funny and loved by lots of people. And to me…as a nine year old…that was all I needed. But one day, I clearly remember getting on a jam packed school bus and there being only a couple of spots still available to sit. I scanned my opportunities and finally decided that the cute nine year old boy with his missing front teeth would be the best option for me to sit next to. Boy was I wrong! As I went to sit next to him, he set his lunch box on the empty space beside him and clearly said “no ugly girls allowed”. It was the first time in my life that I can actually remember feeling ugly, bad, wrong or unacceptable. I didn’t know this boy. In fact, I had never seen him before, but it didn’t make the hurtful words any easier to hear. I remember crying all night to my mom about this boys comments- she, however, couldn’t understand why I was so upset. He was just some silly, insecure boy who made a silly comment. But it didn’t matter to me…it still hurt.

From that moment on, rejection seemed to become a constant in my life. If I liked a boy, he liked a prettier girl, usually one of my friends. If I wanted to ask a cute boy to the dance, he would ask a cuter girl, usually one of my friends. Let’s face it, the prettier the girl, the more invitations and boyfriends she would get and the better her status amongst our peers would be. I remember always looking in the mirror wondering when it would be my turn to be the pretty girl.

With that said, it wasn’t until after my divorce that I really felt the pressure of being measured against the pretty people. I t wasn’t until this time in my life that I really noticed that my friends were prettier, skinnier and perkier. Sometimes I even feel like the “goon” when we are out. You know, the bigger girl that is casting the shadow over her more beautiful friends. I don’t know if it has always been this way and I was just oblivious to it, but one thing is for sure, that is how it is now! Women are judged first on their exterior looks! It is not until I can catch someone’s eye, with my outward appearance, that I even have the opportunity of showing them the best part of me…my inner beauty. It just seems like those who have the outward beauty, that matches up with that of society, are the only ones who even have a chance to catch the eye of someone special. If you are thin, tall, have great hair, and your eyes aren’t to close together then you have it made, but if you are just average, like me, it is extremely difficult to catch the eye of the opposite sex, especially when I am in the presence of my other single girlfriends. It just seems to me that for a relationship to even have the chance to take off, the guy has to think that the girl is really pretty on the outside right away…and that just plain SUCKS!

Think about it…if you ask most women what originally attracted them to their boyfriend or husband they will probably say something like his personality or his quick wit. But, if you ask a man that same question, more than likely, you will get a superficial answer like, her hair or her eyes, or her….ahem…(insert name of unmentionable body part here).

So…I think I need to get uglier friends. Or, I know…how about this…I could just go against society and stop trying to take care of myself. I could eat horribly and gain some weight. I could stop washing my hair. Maybe I will even go as far as to wear my clothes over and over again without washing them until they get that great permanent dirty scent. This, my friends, would definitely keep boys and relationships at bay. At least this way I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore broken hearts because boys would definitely have an excuse to not be attracted to me. My friends would still love me..they may not want to be around my greasy assed hair and stinky clothes, but they would still love me, right?

Celebrating my 4 year Singleversary

September 13, 2009 marked my four year anniversary of being single. Four years ago, I thought my world was ending. I tried to be strong and remind myself daily that things would get better. But sometimes I spent more time trying to convince myself that this was true than actually believing it.

But what I have learned is that while a great marriage may be the best situation of all for me, the reality is that most marriages are not great! And being in a so-so marriage as compared to being happily single is a no-brainer for me. Married couples who feel sorry for single people, whom they think are lonely, should realize that we single people often feel sorry for married couples who seem lonely in their relationships.

The unfortunate part is that we live in a society that focuses on couples and this is why it is sometimes hard for single people to enjoy being single. I will admit that I was dropped from the social circle of many of our couple friends, but this just forced me to go out and make some amazing single friends whose friendships mean more to me now than any of those superficial couple friendships that my ex and I shared.

Sure there are moments…often related to the DVR or Tivo, or putting braclets on by myself, or having to make every single decision by myself, and the hardest, not having someone care about or concerned about me. But I think I do a pretty good job of making up for these things with my family and friends. Heck, I even survived my first dreaded “sick as a dog” scenario alone, and managed to come through it just fine with tons of support.

In fact, I have come to really enjoy the solitude in my life. I enjoy the peacefulness, insight, and meditation. It gives me the opportunity to really focus and learn things about myself that I would not otherwise do. I can do what I want when I want and most importantly, I rarely argue with myself!

So in true celebratory fashion, I have come up with a list of the top 25 reasons why I really enjoy being single…

My bed is MINE! I can sleep on any side at any time.

I have the freedom to persue my passions without the fear of being judged.

I can drink straight out of the Orange Juice carton if I want to.

My grocery bill has been cut in half.

I don’t have to share my New Yorker magazine with anyone.

I have many more opportunities to be social and meet more people.

I am focused on being happy with who I am instead of focusing on who and what my ex wants me to be.

I have the closet all to myself.

I can do what I want with my money.

I have more time to myself.

Free drinks at pubs and bars…BONUS!

I can have male friends without having to defend myself.

I can flirt whenever and wherever.

I am not accountable to anyone. If I want to do something, I just do it.

I don’t have to write Birthday, Mother’s Day, and/or Valentines cards on behalf of my ex anymore.

I can eat cereal for dinner and not feel guilty that I didn’t make a meal.

I don’t have to shave my legs everyday.

I can treat myself to a new pair of MEK’s and not have to pretend like I have had them forever.

I can have my own social identity.

There is no one to criticize my car, the state it is in, or how I choose to drive it.

I can get out all of my photos and love notes from ex-boyfriends to remind me how desirable I am.

I can discuss my problems with my friends without being told I am being disloyal.

I am able to be a “YES” to life!

I can make my own decisions without the weight of a second opinion weighing me down.

And last but certainly not least, I can be ME without being judged!

WOOT! WOOT! All reasons to celebrate! Happy Singleversary to me!