Home Sweet Home

So last night was supposed to be a very special evening in the He Who Laughs Last household, but per usual, whenever I have expectations about something, I’m always disappointed.

As most of you know, my dad lives in my house with me. I love having him here. My kids adore him and love having him here. As great as it sounds it’s not always peaches and cream. My house is set up perfectly for our living arrangements. It’s a two story, five bedroom house with two large living areas, one upstairs and one downstairs, and two large master suites, one upstairs and one down. As you can imagine, it is very easy to go days and not run into each other.

With that said, in the five years that I have owned this house, I have not had one entire 24 hour period of time to myself in my house. You see, my dad is great but his life revolves around me, my brothers and our families. He has absolutely NO social life outside of one night a week that he plays cards. So he is never gone.

This can be tough!

To my excitement, however, he left town yesterday afternoon for 24 hours and I was STOKED! I spent most of the day at work, daydreaming about my what my upcoming perfect evening would look like. I couldn’t wait to pick up my kids and take them to their dads. In fact, when my Ex called and said I could drop Hamilton and Gibson off earlier than usual, I thought, “OMG, this is a sign!”

I was giddy when I dropped them off! I think I may have even left tire marks in my Ex’s driveway. I know my tires were definitely smoking!

The first thing I did in my 24 hours of freedom was change the radio station from Radio Disney to NPR. I know…NPR is great, isn’t it? It makes me sound like a seventy year old woman, but I don’t care, I love it! I listened to it the whole way home without a complaint uttered. It was pure heaven!

When I got home, I ran upstairs with an extra pep in my step, put on my workout clothes and popped in a P90X video. The thought of working out without hearing things like, “you are going to have to work out a lot to get muscles” or “push ups are easy mom, why are you stopping at 25?” or “I can’t believe you think this is hard” is quite refreshing. However, not as refreshing as the thought of working out without once being asked to get something, find something, answer something, cook something, move something, or fix something.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t ten minutes into the video when the doorbell rang. Crap! Of course, it wasn’t for me…it was the neighbor boys wanting Hamilton and Gibson to come out and play. I was interrupted three more times in the matter of a one hour workout video. Two more friends of Hamilton and Gibson’s were looking for them and then the teenage neighbor came by selling his crappy wrapping paper and candles for the school fundraiser. Of course, I had to buy something.

I grumpily wondered why one of those interruptions couldn’t have been a cute, single UPS delivery guy, or a strong muscular Schwans man.

Oh no, it’s never about me!

After my workout I headed downstairs to make an egg white omelet with fresh tomatoes from the garden. YUMM-O! On a side note, while out in the garden I came across this…



No not the starburst, that’s just there for size, but the pumpkin! Isn’t it the cutest little pumpkin you have ever seen? It’s gonna be a hard one to carve!

Anywho…I sat down to eat my omelet and flipped on Fox News. Of course, it’s just my luck, and the TV goes out. The one time I don’t have to watch Phinneaus and Ferb, or iCarly, or Wizards of Waverly Place and the TV isn’t working. I'm too pissed to figure out what is wrong with it and decide to head up to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine…pure heaven! You know why? Because not once, did I hear “moooooommmmmmmmmm”.

After catching myself dozing off in the tub, I decide it’s time to get out. And for one brief moment I look around and it hits me, I am totally alone in this house. So I thought long and hard about taking my robe off and walking around butt naked.

But then I remembered the conversation I had with Hamilton last week about me “being the kind of mom that likes to run around naked after a shower” and I visualized him judging me while rolling his eyes and crossing his arms in pure embarrassment and it immediately ruined my once in a lifetime evening alone in the He Who Laughs Last household.

So I put on my pajamas and went to bed…at 9:15pm…defeated and alone in anticipation of seeing my kids smiling faces at the bus stop in the morning.