The Business Card

So this past weekend I met my friend Joe for dinner. Joe has been my rock, on the male front, for years. We can go months without seeing each other or talking to each other, but somehow, we always pick up like we had never left off. He is someone that I dated briefly, years ago, but the timing just wasn’t right for us. If I were being honest, I would say that we make better friends than we do boyfriend/girlfriend.

Joe knew I needed a pick me up this weekend and he was ready to be there for me. I can always count on him to be honest with me all of the time, whether I want to hear it or not. Turns out that he is almost always right about the men I date. At dinner, he reminded me over and over again that Mr. Perfect for Me would break my heart, and he did. He begged me not to give up on Hot Fireman so quick because he swore he was just a guy that was in a transitional phase, turns out I think he was right about both.

But we all know, patience is not my forte.

In recent years my friendship with Joe has moved from platonic friendship to being each others “plus one” when the occasion arrives. You see, he has the most fabulous fiancé, but she doesn’t live here in town. In fact she doesn’t even live in the USA, but that is about to change, they are getting married in May and he will be moving to London. As happy as I am for them, I know I will probably never see him again once he gets married. And that makes me sad.

Our dinner this past weekend consisted of many things, lots of laughter, a few tears, and a little reminiscing of the past. He reminded me of the story of his best friends wedding. I don’t think I shared it with you yet.

It is a must read…and it goes a little something like this...

The afternoon of Sven’s (Joe’s best friend) wedding Joe and I met for drinks downtown at a five star steakhouse famous for their shrimp cocktail and “men’s club atmosphere.” Joe thought it would be great for me to surround myself with single men who loved cocktails and cigars.

We stood at the bar for what seemed like hours drinking. There was a lot of laughter as we shared stories of the past. Stories like the one where he ended up on a train with nothing but his underwear and a Costco membership card, or the one where I, at 35, got busted in the parking lot for making out with a guy in his truck. Yes it was your classic…windows steamed up with nothing but the shine of a police officers flashlight in the window…sooooo high school.

During our conversations at the bar, there were several times that Joe mentioned to me that he noticed a certain tall good looking guy looking at me. I, of course, was totally oblivious to my surroundings. As we had a couple of more drinks, I too noticed this nice looking man eying me. So I did what every normal girl would do, I looked back, checked his ring finger and gave myself permission to flirt back.

After three drinks at the bar, we paid our bill and left. I thought my flirting days were over. But low and behold, guess who was a guest at the same wedding I was a “plus one” at? Yep, the good looking guy from the bar. At the reception, we were of course, seated at the head table in the front corner of the restaurant. As uncomfortable as I was sitting at the head table as a “plus one” I was glad that I wasn’t sitting at a table with all the other “plus ones”. As Joe was attending to the duties of a Best Man, noticed said cute guy from the bar was seated with his friends, only tables away from ours. All night long he kept eyeing me. Every once in a while I would acknowledge him, but then I would shy away. Joe kept challenging me to walk up to him and strike up a conversation, but we both knew I wouldn’t, that’s not my style. I never make the first move. But it was obvious to both Joe and I that this guy was definitely interested in me.

And then it happened, my liquid courage kicked in. I got all warm and fuzzy every time the good looking guy would look up at me and catch a glance. So I strapped on some balls and went to the ladies room where I fluffed up my hair, put on a little lipstick and ran through a spray of perfume. As I walked back into the reception I made sure to walk by this guys table and drop my business card as I did. When I got back to the head table I noticed the guy had picked up my card and was looking at it with a smile on his face.

As luck would have it, when I returned to the head table, Joe was “not feeling well”, (read: shitfaced) and I had to take him home. I tried to find the cute guy, to try and give him the “I’m leaving” look, but he was nowhere to be found. So I left, with the hopes that the cute guy would eventually call me.

Days went by with no text and no phone call. A week later I got the call. I didn’t answer it because I never answer calls if I don’t recognize the phone number. I let it go to voice mail.

Here is the message I received…

“Julie, this is B*****, you dropped your business card by my table at Sven and Jessie’s wedding, Obviously you don’t remember me. I thought I would refresh your memory. We dated a few years ago, I really liked you, I sent you flowers every day, you said you weren’t interested and that I creeped you out. I hope you have changed your mind. Call me, my parents are in town next week and I want you to meet them.”

Doh! I really know how to pick them, don’t I?

Sheila-isms

I don’t know if you are like me, but I have a ton of friends. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I just seem to surround myself with lots of good people. And because I have so many, again, not tooting my own horn, I tend to have them categorized. My three categories of friends are: lifelong, besties, and the girl.

“The girl” I am referring to is Sheila. Sheila has been my dear friend for many years. I met her three or four months into my separation with my Ex. From the first moment we met, shopping for clothes at TJMaxx, I knew we would be lifelong buddies. You see when we met she had just moved to my neck of the woods from Arizona (she has since moved back). It was the dead of winter and we were hysterically laughing in the asiles of the store as she was frantically looking for a sweater to buy. We were headed out for the evening in what seemed like below zero weather and she was wearing a cute pair of pants and a tank top, bless her heart,…she eventually caught on to the dress code of the Midwest, but it took a little while.

From that evening on we were attached at the hip. She was a HUGE support for me through my divorce. I know I can always count on her to have my back, pick me up when I’m down, and just make me laugh for no reason at all. I LOVE THIS GIRL!

Because she lives in Arizona, and I’m almost 40 it is often very difficult for us to communicate. I know, I know, you are probably asking yourself how her living in Arizona and me almost being 40 could hamper our level of communication.

Well, remember yesterday’s post when I waffled back and forth about maybe being old and maybe not being old? I mentioned that I like to be in bed around 9 or 10…and with a three hour time difference between Indiana and Arizona, Sheila usually isn’t even off of work by the time I go to bed. If that doesn’t make me sound old, I don’t know what else would. Bottom line, it is difficult for us to even connect on the phone. We always joke around that we are having a love affair with each other’s voice mails.

Anywho…six paragraphs in and I think I better get to the topic of this post. Sheila and I finally connected on Wednesday night after what seemed like weeks of trying to have a phone conversation. And as usual, the phone call ended up being a pep talk for both of us…she is my biggest cheerleader, as I am hers! And as we were talking I was making note of all of the hysterical shit she says and I thought I would share them with you.

I kid you not, these things just roll off her tongue, mid sentence…

“Stick a flag on your forehead and do it for your country!”

“Build a bridge and get over it!”

“We don’t have to date pigs to get a little sausage!”

“Remember you are the prize, and they have to be a winner, not a wiener, to have the privilege of dating you.”

“Shut the front door.”

“Don’t piss in my ear and tell me it’s raining!”

(said in a strong southern accent) “Whoo wee…you could make a jack rabbit hug a hound dog.”

And my most favorite line of all…”You know I love you more than a fat kid loves cake?”

Many of these statements were said to me in our conversation this week as she was pepping me up and preparing me for a conversation that I was stressed about having with someone. And she has left me a voice mail message this morning. I’m sure it is full of more Sheila-ism, because she knows they always make me smile.

Do I need to say it again? I LOVE THIS GIRL! Every girl needs a Sheila in her life!

Lordy Lordy

In the words of John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Jesse James and Bill Clinton…”I’m sorry”. Oh wait, I don’t think Bill Clinton ever uttered those words in the Monica Lewinsky scandal, so never mind, take him off the list.

I’m so so so so sorry! I cannot believe I have let you, my loyal blog readers down, yet again. You see, this time last year I had already put out my “birthday wish list” in order to give you all plenty of time to save your money and buy me the most special gifts you can. I think I got a good 75% of the items on my wish list. Heck, I even got a cute boy for my 39th birthday, but he let me down…so I won’t be asking for one of those again this year. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson on that.

In exactly 15 days (March 12), I will be, yep, you guessed it 40! I cannot believe it. When I was Hamilton’s age(my 10 year old), my mom turned 40…and I thought she was old. I’d like to think I am a lot younger and cooler than my mom was when she turned forty. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not…bottom line, my kids think I’m awesome! And like all those people over there in Hollywood, I live by the motto “forty is the new thirty”. Oh wait, I think I just read an article the other day that said “forty is the new twenty”. Heck, at this rate, when I turn forty-one, it will be the new eleven…oh man, now I’m getting creeped out.

Anyway, I don’t care what the new forty is…I’m good with being forty, I think. Although, I did throw my back out a week or so ago when I bent down to pick up my hat off the floor, but that doesn’t really make me old does it? Oh and I had a bowl of cereal for dinner the other night…does that make me old? And does it make a difference if I tell you that I love to be in bed by 9pm? It hardly ever happens, but I love it when it does.

I’M NOT OLD! I can still hang with the best of them. I can, on occasion, go out, party it up, hang out until the wee hours of the morning, act like I’m in High School, be hung over and promise never to do it again. I can…I just choose not to, and when I choose not to I usually say something like, “I’m too old to be behaving this way.” But secretly I look forward to the opportunity to do it again.

Anyway, I need to get back on track…and by “back on track” I mean, I need to give you my wish list. If you need an address on where to send your gift(s), just email me and I will be happy to give it to you. Remember, you only have a little over 2 weeks…so, ready, set…go, start your shopping!

Gift Suggestion #1



New golf clubs, these in particular. I am determined to take the sport a little more serious this year than I have in the past.


Gift Suggestion #2



Ray Ban Aviator Sunglasses. I’m not a huge fan of the Aviator sunglasses, but usually by the time I jump on board a fashion trend, it’s on its way out the door. So I figured, if I got these for my birthday then maybe, just maybe another style will come along for the summer.


Gift Suggestion #3



Big Star Vintage Jeans. This needs no explanation…just look at them, aren’t they pretty? And yes, my butt looks fantastic in them!



Gift Suggestion #4



Black Labrador Retriever. Aren’t these the sweetest dogs ever? My ex and I had one when we were first married. In fact, I think the Ex got our lab for me on my 25th birthday. Anywho, I keep wanting to buy my kids a dog…but just haven’t been able to pull the trigger yet.


Gift Suggestion #5



The good old standby…flowers. But not just any flowers, Gerber Daisies! Not the cheesy white and yellow daisies that you can pick up at your local grocery store, but a beautiful bouquet of Gerber Daisies. They are guaranteed to put a smile on my face.


Gift Suggestion #6

A membership here…



And someone exactly like this...or someone who looks remotely like this...



to help me get my ass out of bed every morning and get to the gym. But I think it is important to note here, that as much as I would like to have someone this beautiful to wake up to in the morning, he may not sleep in my bed the night before, because if he did, we would never get out of bed. He must show up by my bedside and wake me with a gentle kiss….screeeeeeeech…sorry, I will stop fantasizing. Just send him over to give me the motivation I need to go work out.


Gift Suggestion #7



OPI- Pink Flamenco nail polish…I LOVE this color, and I normally don’t like having pink on my toes. A nice pedicure or two to go along with this polish would be greatly apprecaited too!


Gift Suggestion #8

And last but not least…one of these...



…yep a tummy tuck! If you don’t want to fork out the bill for the entire thing, that’s ok, a donation to the overall budget would be greatly appreciated.

So that’s it! I know it’s not much **snicker, snicker**, but it’s all I need! It never hurts to ask, right?

Happy Birthday to me!

I hope I never

Waste a Sunday morning trying to recover from a hangover, live my life not knowing what it feels like to love again, feel content enough with myself to think that I never need to improve myself,
have to visit the principal’s office on behalf of one of my kids, have to file for bankruptcy, walk by someone in need and not help,have to bury one of my kids, break someone’s heart (I wouldn't wish that on anyone), have to look for a job, have to figure out a way to support my kids,have to watch Brad Womack on another season of the Bachelor, have to see my dad in pain (watching him recover from my mom’s death is a memory I will never forget),have to battle cancer, have to explain to my kids why I have done something I’m not proud of, have to beg anyone for forgiveness, have to live through another four years under an Obama presidency, have to watch Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen reunite, have to see my kids suffer, have my heart broken again…I’ve kissed enough frogs already, have to make a life and death decision, have to live my life without getting a tummy tuck…selfish, yes, I admit that, have to wonder why I’m not good enough yet again.

It can't be controlled

So I took my kids to see Gnomeo and Juliet yesterday in honor of President’s Day. It wasn’t a movie that any of us really wanted to see, but we love movies in our house (we get that quality from my mom…she LOVED movies too)and we try to see as many as we possibly can. It turned out to be really cute, and if you love Elton John, the music was fabulous. If you have little kids, I highly recommend it.

But what really caught my attention was one of the commercials they showed before the movie actually started. It was a commercial promoting the St. Vincent Heart Hospital* here in Indianapolis. It really helped open my eyes when it comes to matters of the heart.

You all know that I have been struggling a little lately with love and relationships and this commercial somehow made me realize that I don’t have a lot of control where the heart is concerned. Sometimes I feel so stupid for the way I feel. Some days are good and some days are bad, but I think that is just the circle of life, no matter how our hearts feel.

The heart...

It’s what we speak of when we are sorry or shattered.

It’s what we attribute our happiness to when we are walking on air.

At times, it summons every ounce of courage we have.

It’s a lonely hunter.

It wants what it wants.

It changes.

It breaks.

It bleeds.

We follow it.

We lose it.

We give it away.

We wear it on our sleeves.

It’s the root.

It’s the core.

It’s the center of our beings.

We fill it with love, hate, hope and determination.

It’s the difference between an expert and a champion.*

We can’t control it. We can’t guide it. We can’t give it what it wants. We can only protect it, love it and cherish it.

What is love...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs and rights. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1Corinthians 13;4-8

I don't think I have ever quoted scripture from the Bible on my blog...this is definitely a first. But what's weird is that this was the topic of the sermon at church yesterday. I haven't been to church in over a year, but I had this little voice in the back of my head when I woke up yesterday encouraging me to go. I was glad I did as the topic of love has been consuming my brain lately. I have been trying to figure out a definition for the word love and have realized that it is virtually impossible to define, because it is not only a feeling, but an action as well.

That particular Bible verse happens to describe the characteristics of true love. And the problem with trying to find true love in our dating lives is that too often we overlook those particular characteristics in search of the more materialistic ones, such as, physical appearance, social status and financial stability.

I have tried my best to get to know the individuals I date before making any kind of snap judgments, but this process too has failed me. In fact, I am flat out convinced that people aren't looking for love anymore because they don't know what love is.

So here is my attempt to define love.

What is love? Love is...

- that which frees us from all of the weight and pain of life

- a friendship set on fire

- the master key that opens the doors of happiness

- like war, easy to start but hard to end

- the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired

- the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness

- accepting, never judging

- appreciating

- wanting another person to feel good

- one of the strongest emotions a person can feel

- the answer to all questions

- a story that can never be fully expressed

- a bond or connection between two people that results in trust and intimacy

- looking past the imperfections in your partner and seeing the beautiful person inside

- no expectations of anything in return

- no restrictions

- no limitations

- being someone who loves someone for who they are, not what you think they should be

- unconditional respect

- selfless

- something between two people that never ends even through the difficult times

- a kiss given despite morning breath

- sacrifice

- when you care for someone with all your heart, soul and being

- commitment

- making the harder decision

- unconditional caring for another human being

- beautiful

- never having to say your sorry

- the willingness to forgive

- something that gives the butterflies in your stomach a reason to dust themselves off again and fly

- putting the needs of other above your own

- like heaven but hurts like hell.

It's complicated...

So many times I hear my guy friends say that women are complicated creatures. Quite frankly, I think there is no more complicated creature than a man, but what do I know, right? I agree, however, that sometimes women can be a little difficult, but bottom line…if we are in a relationship that involves communication, honesty and loyalty then we are usually happy campers.

I am not a rule follower by any means. But I also feel like men and women would do much better in relationships if they just established some basic ground rules up front. Here are a few that I am throwing out there for your viewing pleasure. If you have any to add, please let me know and I would be happy to amend my list.

Men, if you follow these rules to the T I guarantee you will have a long lasting relationship with a wonderful woman 

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change without notice.

3. No male can possibly know all of the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all of the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the male did or said wrong.

7. If rule #6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the female meant, not what she said.

15. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.

16. If the male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to rule #5

…and men think we are complicated. I don’t know about you, but it looks pretty black and white to me.