Monday, June 29, 2009

Well it's not going on my resume

Divorce is hard! I thought I had the perfect marriage, but I was awakened to the reality of what my marriage apparently was the day my husband of 8 years (although we dated for 7 years before that, so I like to say it was a 15 year relationship)walked out on me and our family. On his way out the door he told me he didn't love me, never loved me and wasn't attracted to me. Ouch! He has since taken those hurtful things back, but we all know how hard it is to erase those negative comments from our daily thoughts. Once the are "out there" it's just hard to stop thinking about them.

The first couple of years after this shocking moment were very painful for me and I really thought I was becoming that person my husband convinced me I was, unattractive and unlovable. It took me a couple of years, many counseling sessions, and some really great friends to help me realize I was better than that. They helped me realize that I was a good catch and that I couldn't let my ex-husband ever take that away from me!

Newly alive in myself, I got the courage to sign up for an online dating service. I spent some time working on my profile and wording it just so. After all, who wouldn't want to get to know a fun loving, caring mom of two small boys who loves life, her family and friends? Someone who likes adventure, with a little spontaneity thrown in? Someone who is spunky, independent, social and active? I mean come on people...I was a good catch! My first mistake...once I became a member of this dating site I checked out other women's profiles to see how they described themselves...scoping out the competition, if you will. Guess what I found? I found umpteen fun loving, caring moms of kids who love life, family and their friends. I found umpteen women who like adventure and spontaneity. I found umpteen women who are spunky, independent, social and active. I quickly realized there were umpteen women on this dating site just like me! I tried to to let that get me down and just went with the flow.

To my surprise, within only a couple of hours of being an official member, I had a message in my inbox. I got excited...even a few butterflies in my stomach. I clicked on my inbox and bam...there was a message from Rob. I was shocked at how long the message was. O.K., it wasn't a book or anything, but it was a good paragraph. I was expecting something like..."Hey, I like your profile and would like to get to know you." But looking back now, if he would have said that about my profile, then he would basically be saying that about all of the other umpteen women with profiles like mine!

Before I even read the paragraph, I clicked back over to his profile to see if there was a picture. I always do better when I can put a face to a name! I read his profile and the red flags started appearing. First red flag, he is really good looking. Why is this a red flag you may ask? He was the type of good looking that I would imagine spent way more time in front of the mirror or shopping than I did...that good looking! Second red flag, he was looking for women between the ages of 25 and 60. Seriously? 25 and 60? Is it just me or is that a huge age range when looking for your soul mate? I'd like to think I have a lot of different things to offer than a 25 year old or a 60 year old would. Per my last post, this is probably the guy who has not yet found Ms. Right, so he has lowered his standards to broaden his search.

I know you are all dying to know what his email said...well here it is, VERBATIM. And by verbatim, I mean punctuation and all...

"Wow" What a beautiful smile! You could light up Times Square on New Years Eve with those pearly whites! (Side note #1, Rob would have been o.k. if he just would have stopped here. Side note #2, I DO NOT have pearly white teeth. Years of braces, coffee and wine have taken that away. I mean they aren't bad, but I would never describe them as pearly white) I loved your profile, intellect without pretentiousness, balanced, charm that is riddled with redundancy, nothing ambiguous here, you're a woman who is in charge of her life, and I'm sure in charge of the love she is searching for. I'm quite impressed and quite enamoured. I would love to know you!! (I'm not exaggerating the double exclamation point here) You exude a level of quiet confidence that is quite attractive, which just enhances your outward beauty! You are truly a jim! (I assume he means "gem". At least I hope so, or I am screwed!) I'm sure your search for love will be fulfilled. Love has no choice but to find you, you're that special. (another side note: "Love has no choice but to find you"...this would make a great title for a future blog. Please DO chuckle and remember this email if I ever use that as a title). Your not so secret admirer...Rob (another note, I will normally change names of people I use in my blog posts, but this email was just so ridiculous, I didn't think Rob was deserving enough of a name change).

So there you have it, punctuation and all! My only question to Rob is this...Seriously? Did you really get all of that from my profile that was like umpteen other women's profiles? And all of those big words! If he can't figure out the difference between "jim" and "gem" should I really believe that he knows the meanings of words like pretentiousness, redundancy and ambiguous?

I immediately closed the email and jumped away from the computer. You know, kind of like you do when you realize there is a big hairy spider crawling across it while you are using it!

And just think, this is only the beginning of my crazy experiences in the online dating world!

1 comment:

  1. Ha! Yep, I agree that you're screwed on this one if he can't spell gem. I'm a stickler for spelling words, particularly simple ones. Like gem. Have you received any "good" options on the dating service or did you drop it completely, you know, squash it like the hairy spider that it is.



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