Dating Translations

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about what men (and women, for that matter) think of themselves. I have talked to many men who think very highly of themselves, or describe themselves in a manner that is not even close to who they actually are. And there are actually some men that don't talk themselves up enough. I know you single women out there are thinking...really? But, yes, I have actually met a few...ok, maybe one man that didn't think he was good enough. But this can be as much of a turn off as a man whose ego is so huge he couldn't fit through the bedroom door.

I tend to be the kind of person that probably doesn't think high enough of myself. I have so many friends who tell me I am beautiful, or that I look great, or that I am funny, or that I'm a great dancer...oh wait, I don't think I have ever had a friend tell me that I am a great dancer...maybe secretly I want to be a good dancer...huh? Anyway, it's just like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman, "it's sometimes easier to believe the bad stuff."

Because of this, I have created a list, with the help of many friends, articles, and videos, on how to translate what single men say about themselves or post about themselves in online personal ads. This list is constantly growing and will be added to in the future. Leave me a comment if you have a good one.

Here goes...

1. If a man says he is cuddly, it usually means he is chubby.


2. If a man says he has only attended "some college", it usually means he is incapable of follow through...on anything!


3. If a man says he has a college degree, it usually means he is skilled in the art of beer pong.


4. If a man says he is poetic, it usually means he is boring.


5. If a man says he is open minded, it usually means he has been on the hunt for Ms. Right for so long that he thinks he needs to lower his standards to find her.


6. If a man says he is looking for friendship first, it usually means he has slept with most of the single women on the market and he is trying another angle.


7. If a man says that he is financially secure, it usually means he has a job. Keep in mind this could mean any job. He could be your city's Donald Trump, but he could also be the local Ditch Digger. Not that there is anything wrong with that! Hey, in this economy its just good to have a job, right? I'm not judging...just fore warning so that you don't get your expectations up!


8. If a man says he has been told he is handsome, it usually means his mother is telling him that.


9. If a man says he went to graduate school, it usually means "I'm going to be paying back loans for a long time!"


10. If a man says he is athletic, it usually means he used to play sports. And by "used to" I mean a really long time ago.


11. If a man posts something like "I'll tell you later" in the income portion of his profile, it could mean he is really rich, but more than likely it means that he is really poor and he has probably learned the hard way that he doesn't get many dates when he lists himself as "poor".


12. If a man says he is looking for Ms. Right, it probably means he is looking for Ms. Rich.


13. If a man says he is outgoing, it usually means he is loud, obnoxious, and embarassing.


14. If a man says he is a "Vice President of Development" (or some other upper level term) for a very large company (note the vagueness on "very large company"), it usually means he has a crappy self-employed scheme that he runs out of his mom's basement.


15. If a man says he is recently divorced, it usually means he currently hates women.


16. If a man says he has a good sense of humor, it usually means he is the only one who laughts at all of his jokes.


17. If a man says he is adventerous, it usually means he has slept with every available single woman.


18. If a man says he is emotionally stable, it usually means he is medicated.


19. If a man says he is young at heart, it usually means he is over 50.


20. If a man says he is youthful, it usually means he is over 50 and in denial!

And last but not least girls...ALWAYS subtract two inches from his height, add 20 pounds to his weight, divide his income in half, and add five years to his age before you decide to spend two hours with him on a first date.

-some info found on about.com, tangomag.com, and innocentenglish.com