Open Letters

Dear Real Housewives of whatever city,

You do not live in the real world.  It doesn't matter how many times you say it out loud, it won't make it true.  If you want a sample of the real world, come to my house where I'm living paycheck to paycheck, supporting two kids with no nannies, chefs or trainers.

Good day,
Me (someone who has real friends that love each other and refrain from calling each other bitches and whores behind each others backs)
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Dear Hamilton and Gibson,

If I can hear you talking then you are NOT brushing your teeth properly.

Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy
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Dear Mumford and Sons,

My head told my heart to let love grow, but my heart told my head, this time no.  Thanks for the advice.

Sincerely,
Me, the one who gets blamed for being too picky
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Dear Friend,

I AM nervous about my upcomming knee surgery.  Stop playing it down by saying things like "it's no big deal" or "everyone has this surgery." or "really?  that's all it is?"

It's surgery!  Stop being a B*%^& and maybe ask "what do you need?" or "how can I help?" every once in a while.

Sincerely,
For once, let it be about me and not you
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Dear Ex,

Thank you for uttering the words "I'm sorry".  It means alot, even after all these years.

Sincerely,
Me
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Dear work,

Thank you for giving us 5 service days a year!  I spent my Saturday night making capes for kids at the Peyton Manning Hospital and I can't think of anything else I would have rather been doing.

Sincerely,
A grateful employee
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Dear Me,

Hang in there.  I know it's been a tough year!  There are only 9 weeks left in 2012.  You can do anything for 9 more weeks!  2013 will be a better year, I just know it!!!

Sincerely,
Me
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Dear Gangnem style,

Is it just me, or am I the only person who thinks your song is the Korean version of "Call Me Maybe"?

Sincerely,
Just picking at nothing
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Dear single boys from high school,

You have gotten hotter with age!  Makes me wish I would have gone to the big bash last weekend!

Sincerely,
My loss
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Single

Have you ever noticed that after you have had a few drinks some things seem to happen in slow motion?  I sometimes notice it and think there is a corallation between that and the kind of alcohold I am drinking. 

But that is beside the point.

The point I am trying to make is that this weekend I seemed to be overly sensitive to some comments my friends were making about me.  Comments like, "I can't believe you are still single," or "really? you're still single?"  and of course my favorite..."I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE STILL SINGLE!" (which is similar to "I can't believe you're still single" only it involves yelling loud enough so that everyone in the bar can hear it).

These comments got me thinking.

Single is NOT a status!  It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

I am single because I refuse to settle! 

I refuse to change my relationship status for someone who falls short of what I deserve. 

I know my self value and I have chosen a spot in my heart for a real man.  A man who is mature enough to understand that loyalty, commitment, stability  and 100% honesty are all a priority for me, not an option.

So friends, I beg you...stop telling me I'm too picky!  Stop freaking out because I am "still" single. 

Yes, I want a man in my life who will love me and my kids unconditionally.  No, I don't want to die alone.  But I'm only 41...I have plenty of time to be picky, right?
 

Wingman Shmingman

Last week I was enjoying a nice quiet ride home from work when my phone rang. It was my friend, let’s call her “Cute as a Button”. She was a little panicked.


Here’s how our conversation went down…




Cute as a Button: “You are never going to believe this.”

Me: “What?”

Cute as a Button: “I don’t know who I am meeting on my date tonight.”

Me: “What do you mean you don’t know who you are meeting?”

Cute as a Button: “I gave two guys my number , one called and asked me out and I still haven’t heard from the other one. I’m not really sure which one it is I’m meating.”

Me: “Now that’s a delima.”

Cute as a Button: “What do I do? If it’s guy A, I will be excited, but guy B kind of scares me.”

Me: (knowing whomever the guy is she is meeting is bringing a friend with him I say this) “ok…relax! Here is what we do. We meet out front, I will scope the place out before you go in and let you know which one you are meeting. If it’s guy A we go in and have fun. If it’s guy B, we bolt. No problem."

Now, if the above conversation doesn’t spell out the definition of a “good wingman” I don’t know what does. I saw a friend in need, and figured out a way to make everyone happy. I’m definitely patting myself on the back for this one. In fact, I think I will add that title to my “funeral speech”. You know the one that goes like this…

“He Who Laughs Last, she was a good woman, mother, sister, daughter and friend. But more than all of those things, she was the best wingman a girl could ever ask for.”

In case you are wondering…It was guy A, the one Cute as a Button was hoping to meet. Unfortunately neither of us made a love connection, but it was an adventure we both enjoyed together.

Oh yeah, Cute as a Button got a text message from Guy A the next day…It went a little something like this. “Did you happen to get a message from someone that knows me who is trash talking me?”

…And SCENE! Can you hear the drama behind that curtain?