Tuesday, April 17, 2012

On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I want to throw up

Life is hard!

No one ever told me it would be easy, but man…some days are just downright difficult to get through. By the time I am done being mom, housekeeper, counselor, teacher, EA, cook, seamstress, chauffeur, referee, coach, personal shopper, hair stylist, plumber, electrician, laundry attendant, social director, banker, nail tech, and law enforcement officer to my kids, I don’t really have time for anything else.

So in the grand scheme of things, what I want to talk about today is not a big deal. But it is something that weighs, heavily on me every day, all day. It’s something that I constantly think about, no matter how hard I try not to. And if most women were being honest with you and with themselves, they would also say that this topic weighs heavily on them as well. In fact, I bet it’s something that men think a lot about too, but will more than likely rarely admit that they think about it as much as they do.

And that thing is…body image.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am constantly aware of how I look, and most of the time (about 99.9%) I DO NOT like what I see or how I feel about myself. The sad part is, I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life where I started to become very self conscious about the way I look…It was the day that my Ex asked for a divorce. Not only did he take away my life as I knew it, but that night he also took away from me my future. Little did I know at the moment when he said “I’m just not attracted to you anymore” that my life would change as much as it did.

I don’t think men, women, boys or girls for that matter, realize how much damage a little comment like that can do to one person.

Before those words were ever muttered to me, I was confident, outgoing and fun to be around. My life, unfortunately, changed in the blink of an eye when I heard those fateful words. I stopped being me.

I was no longer confident.

I was no longer outgoing.

I was no longer happy.

I was no longer me.

To this day, I’m still not confident, I’m still not as outgoing as I used to be, I’m still not as happy as I would like to be, I’m still not the me that I so desperately crave to be. I’m a lost, broken woman still looking for myself.

But do you know what I have realized in this journey to find myself?

I’ve realized that I may never be that me that I was before. I have realized that in today’s society of “quick fixes”, like botox, ab chairs, six pack enhancers, metabolism enhancing over the counter meds and brazillian but lift videos, I have no chance of being that girl that I lost years ago. I’ve realized that the media has played a lot into how I “should” feel about the way I look.

Take this picture for example...

The girls in this picture are supposed to represent a normal size 8, size 12 and size 16 woman. I’m going to let you all in on a little secret…the media is lying to us! I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I am a size 10 (on a good day) and a size 12 (on a normal day), but I am a better representation of the size 16 woman in this picture. This, my friends, messes with a girls mind. This, my friends, is why it is so easy to believe it when my ex tells me that I am no longer attractive to him. This, my friends, is the kind of stuff that ruins women!

Or what about this picture...

This is a picture of Jason Aldean, a country musician. Look closely at this picture paying particular attention to his abs and waist. Look at how photo shopped he is. Look at how much distance is between his jeans and his waist. This, my friends, is the media telling us that sexy, hot Jason Aldean is not sexy and hot without a photo shopped waist or abs. This, my friends, is the media telling us that we aren’t good enough for each other. This, my friends is why there are so many hurting people on this earth with body image issues.

I can’t take it anymore!

I’m tired of waking up and immediately feeling like I’m not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not enough of anything to be who society and the media say I should be.

I’m tired of waking up feeling like a loser because I don’t look like some celebrity that society has dubbed “the perfect woman”.

I’m tired of waking up every morning thinking I’m not good enough to be the object of someone else’s affection.

I’m tired of waking up feeling like I’m not good enough.

Bottom line, I’m just plain tired!


  1. So true! Body image weighs on me all the time. I'm constantly dissatisfied with what I look like. And I'm tired of that. I just keep thinking that I should just learn to be happy with what I look like, but then I see something fashionable that I want to wear, and I go right back to thinking about the extra pounds, the curves in the wrong places, the imperfect skin. I'm tired of it all too!

  2. This stuff is so true! Im a size 8 i can wear 7 and 9 but i thank i look pretty good, but when i see other size 8 people i thank i look terrible bc they are the same size as me but ppl call them fat and ugly. I have tried to get good skin and the nice bidy but this is the way the good Lord made me and the way it looks im gunna be this way for a while. Its easy to except what pple say these days. and your never going to be happy with yourself if you dont except the way you look. trust me!

  3. To make you feel a little better, the girls in the pictures are Australian. That size '16' you're seeing, is an American size 12. The size 12 is an 8. Just to clarify!

  4. No them women are British. Size 16 in the Uk Is Average for women!!!!!!

  5. I Feel a Pity on women who are Size 12 and under that Is not Healthy!!!!

  6. id rather have a size 8 thank you very much size 12 is fat and not all guysl ike a size 12 girl so whoever did this blog needs to be shot.

  7. i think most healthy men would love it if their women looked like the picture in the middle. just as most healthy women would love it if their man looked like an un-photoshopped version of the pic of jason aldean on this site.

    sadly, most of us don't meet those standards. the challenge is in still feeling confident and sexy, which is all any healthy partner really needs.

  8. What an ugly thing to say Anonymous #4... but anyway I do believe that ppl today have a very distorted view of what they "should" look like... and I believe it really doesn't help when the plus size models only reach the size of an "average" woman... it all just sucks :( ...btw great article :)

  9. Well, admittedly, I'm no Country singer, lol, but I have to say, I have absolutely NO problem with the size 16 woman in this picture. This article was great, but I would really like to see you, because I'd bet big money you're being much too hard on yourself. It really bothers me how so many women see themselves...thinking they're not attractive enough, because of all they see in the media. I'll tell you the honest truth... the kind of guy who doesn't recognize the beauty of an average woman, over one of these "perfect" super model celebrities... I really don't think that's the kind of guy you're going to be happy with anyway. I will take an ordinary girl over a model, any day of the week... a few extra pounds... imperfect skin... all that! Because beauty is not in flawlessness... it's in being a woman. Yeah, make an effort... make the most of what you've got; but don't agonize over it... don't struggle. Every woman, should just take the body she's got, and just be a woman. An average woman, soft and feminine, that, in my opinion, is beautiful and sexy and attractive. Give me a real woman any day. A real man will recognize what he's got, with just a real woman.

  10. Oh wait...there's your picture at the bottom of the page! Yeah, I was right... you're beautiful. Yeah, you don't need to worry about your looks at all. :)

    1. Thank you for your lovely comments! I wish there were more men like you out there and less like anonymous#4, who this blog was written for!

  11. I'm probably between the 2nd and 3rd woman on the picture. Not really slim but also not fat. I wish I could say curvy but I'm not that either. I'm just me. And I like myself. It's my boyfriend, friends and nonetheless strangers and everybody else that I'm trying to please by thinking I might be more attractive if I had a flat tummy and if I try working out more often. And yes it is healthy to workout I know that but I don't want to start to do it just so that I could lose weight. I like to do a lot of sports but every so often. In the winter: skiing 1 or 2 weekends in the summer swimming on vacation, riding a bike during the year or walking my dog, playing table tennis with friends, playing volleyball, I love to rollerblade and figure skate to express myself and do the piruettes and dance a choreography but I'm not going to start to do all of these hobbies IN PURPOSE TO LOSE WEIGHT. I would not enjoy it anymore. So I'm 19 and I like my body, not everyday sometimes I wish I had a flat stomach and a fit butt but I'm not going to force myself to do exercise if it would only make me feel obligated, I exercise throughout the day because I like it not because I'm under the pressure to lose weight. And if my boyfriend says (I think I know him well to say that he won't) that I'm a bit too plump or that I'm not attracted to him well fine then, I like how I look and I find myself attractive. So if no one would like to be with me at least I know I love myself and that's the only approval I need.

  12. some chunky monkeys out there ^^



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