On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I want to throw up

Life is hard!

No one ever told me it would be easy, but man…some days are just downright difficult to get through. By the time I am done being mom, housekeeper, counselor, teacher, EA, cook, seamstress, chauffeur, referee, coach, personal shopper, hair stylist, plumber, electrician, laundry attendant, social director, banker, nail tech, and law enforcement officer to my kids, I don’t really have time for anything else.

So in the grand scheme of things, what I want to talk about today is not a big deal. But it is something that weighs, heavily on me every day, all day. It’s something that I constantly think about, no matter how hard I try not to. And if most women were being honest with you and with themselves, they would also say that this topic weighs heavily on them as well. In fact, I bet it’s something that men think a lot about too, but will more than likely rarely admit that they think about it as much as they do.

And that thing is…body image.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am constantly aware of how I look, and most of the time (about 99.9%) I DO NOT like what I see or how I feel about myself. The sad part is, I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life where I started to become very self conscious about the way I look…It was the day that my Ex asked for a divorce. Not only did he take away my life as I knew it, but that night he also took away from me my future. Little did I know at the moment when he said “I’m just not attracted to you anymore” that my life would change as much as it did.

I don’t think men, women, boys or girls for that matter, realize how much damage a little comment like that can do to one person.

Before those words were ever muttered to me, I was confident, outgoing and fun to be around. My life, unfortunately, changed in the blink of an eye when I heard those fateful words. I stopped being me.

I was no longer confident.

I was no longer outgoing.

I was no longer happy.

I was no longer me.

To this day, I’m still not confident, I’m still not as outgoing as I used to be, I’m still not as happy as I would like to be, I’m still not the me that I so desperately crave to be. I’m a lost, broken woman still looking for myself.

But do you know what I have realized in this journey to find myself?

I’ve realized that I may never be that me that I was before. I have realized that in today’s society of “quick fixes”, like botox, ab chairs, six pack enhancers, metabolism enhancing over the counter meds and brazillian but lift videos, I have no chance of being that girl that I lost years ago. I’ve realized that the media has played a lot into how I “should” feel about the way I look.

Take this picture for example...



The girls in this picture are supposed to represent a normal size 8, size 12 and size 16 woman. I’m going to let you all in on a little secret…the media is lying to us! I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I am a size 10 (on a good day) and a size 12 (on a normal day), but I am a better representation of the size 16 woman in this picture. This, my friends, messes with a girls mind. This, my friends, is why it is so easy to believe it when my ex tells me that I am no longer attractive to him. This, my friends, is the kind of stuff that ruins women!

Or what about this picture...



This is a picture of Jason Aldean, a country musician. Look closely at this picture paying particular attention to his abs and waist. Look at how photo shopped he is. Look at how much distance is between his jeans and his waist. This, my friends, is the media telling us that sexy, hot Jason Aldean is not sexy and hot without a photo shopped waist or abs. This, my friends, is the media telling us that we aren’t good enough for each other. This, my friends is why there are so many hurting people on this earth with body image issues.

I can’t take it anymore!

I’m tired of waking up and immediately feeling like I’m not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not enough of anything to be who society and the media say I should be.

I’m tired of waking up feeling like a loser because I don’t look like some celebrity that society has dubbed “the perfect woman”.

I’m tired of waking up every morning thinking I’m not good enough to be the object of someone else’s affection.

I’m tired of waking up feeling like I’m not good enough.

Bottom line, I’m just plain tired!