Things that make me go "hmmmm" (Celebrity edition)

1. Meg Ryan & John Mellencamp



...I'm sorry people, I just don't get it! This pairing is about as strange as ice cream and pickles. I like ice cream and I like pickles, but I just don't like them together.

2. Camille Grammer



...in case you aren't aware, she is in the process of an ugly divorce from Kelsey Grammer of Cheers and Frazier fame. She is also one of the housewives on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

She wonders why people don’t like her. Maybe it’s the fact that she has four nannies for 2 kids, thinks she is a star because she danced for Club MTV in the 80’s and thinks that women don’t like her because they are all jealous of her and her beauty. Yep, she hit the nail on the head…those are all legitimate reasons I don't like her.

3. The break up of Jake Gyllenhal and Taylor Swift



Really? Are you really surprised that this relationship didn’t work? Jake was pretty much quoted as saying he “just wasn’t feeling it anymore”…I guess that’s what happens when you are some 15+ years apart in age…wake up and smell the coffee Jake…you have absolutely nothing in common with a 21 year old!

4. Brett Favre



Brett, my friend, when will you get the hint that women just aren’t interested in seeing your junk and men no longer wish to see you play football? Please move on from both sexting and football gracefully. I’m begging you!

5. Coco, Ice-T's wife



Is it just me, or does this bikini look like it would be a little painful to wear? I’m just saying.

6. Hugh Heffner and Crystal Harris



He must have a huge…ahem…bank account people, bank account! Why else would 24
year old Crystal Harris have any interest whatsoever in an 80 some year old Hugh Hefner? I shouldn’t judge, but I definitely don’t buy that they are in love…again with the age difference…I just don’t get it.

7. And last but not least, watch this very short video of Ellen DeGeneres reciting an excerpt from Snookie's new book. It doesn't necessarily make me go "hmmm" but it definitely made me crack up!

All is right with the world

Wow! Has it really been almost three weeks since I have blogged? I can’t believe it…time flies, huh?

I can’t believe all of the love I’ve gotten from my blogging buddies who apparently miss me. I know, the thought just seems crazy. Seems you guys enjoy living through my misery…huh, who would have thought that my misery could make so many people laugh? Ok, maybe not laugh, but many of you have voiced how happy it makes you to know that you aren’t the only ones who date losers and have bad dating stories just like mine.

Hey…we are all in this together, right?

So, I guess I will start by saying how sorry I am for my lapse in posting. Believe it or not I have a few very good excuses, really, I do!

Hear me out.

First, the holidays! They are hectic! Come on, it’s ok to admit that to us, we are all friends here. Whether you are a single parent or part of a loving relationship, there just never seems to be enough hours in the day, especially around the holidays, to get things done. The cooking, baking, buying, wrapping, eating, partying, and drinking just seem to get in the way of the everyday stuff.

Second, my dad has been pretty sick the past couple of weeks and trying to get him healthy while still trying to work full time and be a good mom, has proved to be somewhat of a challenge. Thank God my brothers have been around to help. Next week though…back to reality and handling it all on my own.

And last but definitely not least…I have a recently had the pleasure of having an awesome guy come into my life. It’s funny how when you least expect it, and don’t want it, the perfect guy just walks in and makes himself comfortable. As always, I like to nickname the boys in my life, I will call him, Mr. Perfect for Me. And as usual, I probably won’t be sharing a lot about him…at least until he eff’s it up, and I’m pretty confident he won’t eff things up between us.

So there you have the down low…I will be gradually weaning myself back into the world of blogging. I hate that I haven’t been writing these past few weeks. I’m just not myself when I don’t write. I haven’t even worked on my book, that’s how crazy my life has been.

But, it’s like I always say, what’s good for the goose (me) is good for the gander(you guys). Ok, I don’t think I have ever said that, but I needed a good transition into another paragraph. The point I was trying to make, is that I’m back! I have no idea what I’m going to write about, because I usually write about my crazy dating life…but I don’t forsee having any horror stories in my near future.

Hmmmmmm…….any suggestions?

Birthday memories (REPOST)

Today would have been my mom's 68th birthday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her in some way or another. I so wish she were here with us today. She would have loved being a grandma! This picture of her is my absolute favorite! She is carrying me and holding my twin brothers hand. We are about 1 1/2in this picture. I could only wish that my body looked like that 18 months after having one child.

My mom was a teacher her whole life. She absolutely loved kids and loved her job. She was not only a teacher Monday thru Friday from 9 to 5 but she was also a wonderful teacher on the home front.

I have to admit, it is tough being a mother without having my own mom in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have other women in my life that I can, and do, go to for motherly advice, but I can only dream of going to my mom when the going gets tough. And some days that is a tough pill to swallow. As I reflect back on the memories of my mom and the awesome life she not only lived, but help provide for me and my brothers, I can't help but be reminded of the things she taught me early on that have stuck with me today. I thought it would be fun to share some of them with you here. You're Welcome!

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me about religion.
"You better pray that that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about time travel.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into tomorrow!"

My mother taught me about reason.
"Because I said so, that's why!"

My mother taught me about logic.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me about foresight.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you get in an accident."

My mother taught be about irony.
"Keep crying and I will give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about osmosis.
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"


My mother taught me about contortionism.
"Will you look at that dirt behind your ears?"

My mother taught me about stamina.
"You will sit there until your plate is clean."

My mother taught me about the weather.
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about hypocrisy.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me about the circle of life.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of this world."

My mother taught me about behavior modification.
"Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about anticipation.
"Just you wait until we get home!"

My mother taught me about sex.
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about my roots.
"What, do you think you were born in a barn?"

And the one lesson my mom taught me that I never believed would come to fruition...

My mother taught me about justice.
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

What's good for the goose is good for the gander

Being a single parent can be tough at times. The worst part is not having that someone there that you can rely on to talk you down from the moments of stress. You know, like when one of your beautiful kids spills hot chocolate on the freshly cleaned carpets…yeah, it’s moments like these that I often need that person to take my hand, lead me to another room and remind me to count to ten before reacting.

My biggest struggle as a single parent, however, is that I am only one person trying to accommodate two very busy, active and energetic boys. Most days I am up at 6am and running non-stop until 10pm, often times running errands related to my kids even at lunch, with little or no time for myself. I am often wiped out by the time my head hits the pillow.

My life revolves around my kids! I can’t help it…it just does. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Quite frankly there is nothing that pleases me more than my kids being healthy, active and individual boys who love life, their family, and God equally. I’ve worked hard at that! Often times I look back at my marriage and wonder if the fact that I put the boys ahead of my husband was the reason behind our divorce. I still don’t know, I may never know, but it is the closure I had to give myself in order to move on to a healthier life.

I don’t regret anything I have done in my life!

In the early stages of being a single mom, this role of “being at my kid’s beck and call 24 hours a day” caused a huge imbalance in my life. I struggled to find time for me, let alone others in my life. Looking back, I probably would have been remarried by now if I could have found the balance between being a single mom and being a vibrant outgoing single woman.

But I just couldn’t figure out how to do it without feeling guilty!

I can’t tell you how many times I would cancel on my friends at the last minute or just flat out turn them down because I was invited to do something on a night that I had my kids. At the time, all I could think about was the fact that I had so few awake hours with them a week, that I didn’t want to waste one moment away from them. I often felt guilty leaving them on “my time”. In fact, when they were little and napped, my “me time” became those few precious hours a day that they would sleep. Unfortunately those precious hours diminished quickly and so did my “me time”.

But then I discovered something very powerful. Something that I wish I would have learned a lot earlier in my life as a single woman. I learned that it is ok to go out on nights that you have your kids. Now…don’t take this as permission to do this all of the time, but on occasion it is good to let your kids see you going out for the evening. And by going out, I don’t mean going out on a drunken binge or going out and not coming home until the wee hours of the morning or anything crazy like that. But it is definitely ok to go out on a date, or have a girls night, or even a spa treatment or two.

It is ok! Trust me!

It is ok to drop the kids off at grandma and grandpas, or to hire a babysitter. People do it all of the time. And you know what, I’m a better mom when I do it. And my kids…well, I think it is good for them to see me get dressed up and go out for the evening. At some point, they need to realize that you have a life that doesn’t solely revolve around them.

It’s healthy for everyone!

Ever since I have incorporated that balance in my life, I have become a much happier woman and a much better mom. Unfortunately I’m kind of in a funk right now and won’t be practicing what I preach anytime soon, but trust me it is definitely good for the soul!

Divorce is never good...

…unless it’s your future second husband that is getting divorced!

Hello…am I the only one celebrating the break up of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen? I never thought they were that cute together, but I never fought Scarlett for him either, because, let’s be honest here…she could probably kick my ass in less than 10 seconds.

I actually do hate the fact that they are separating…it saddens me when people get divorced, no matter what the situation…it’s never easy! But it's like I always say, "one person's trash is another person's treasure."

I do want to thank all of my fans and blog followers who kept me apprised of the situation last night. So far, I have received fifty plus emails, text messages and phone calls from you all wishing me luck with my future, 2nd husband. Ok…he may not be attainable, but he will always remain #1 on my list of three famous people that I am allowed to sleep with…no matter what my relationship status.

I originally had an article ready to post today on the most important lesson I have learned as a single parent, but I thought it might be more important to list the Top Ten Reasons Why I Think I Am the Perfect Partner for Ryan Reynolds., you know, in case he reads my blog.

Enjoy! I know I did…

10. Like me, he is afraid to fly! Nothing like supporting each other on our many trips back and forth to Canada to visit his family!

9. As I wrote in one of my posts last week, I have become a major magnet for emotionally unavailable men, and newly separated is basically the same as emotionally unavailable.

8. We would make ADORABLE babies. Apparently, this is what our child will look like…you decide! (don't judge me because I figured out how to morph our pictures together, you wish you would have thought of it first )



7. The letter “A” happens to be my absolute favorite letter in the alphabet…and my future husband looks fabulous dressed as my favorite letter on Sesame Street…come on, doesn’t everyone have a favorite letter?



6. I will be his shoulder to cry on, no matter what the situation…by the way, did I mention that that particular shoulder will be bare Ryan? And it’s big…not in a manly kind of way, but big in a supportive kind of way.

5. I am all about being a team. You see when Scarlett said “It was my mission to have a moment of privacy, to do something for myself,” when talking about your wedding, I knew you two were doomed. Do you hear the “me” and the “myself” in that statement? I'm just saying...

4. I hear that one of their issues was that Ryan was ready to have a baby and Scarlet wanted to focus on her career…there is that selfishness again…anyway, back to my point, I may almost be 40, but for Ryan, I would postpone my tummy tuck and have a child with him. You saw up above how adorable our kids would be.

3. Ryan has already been named the “Most Eligible Bachelor” of 2010…I know, Hollywood doesn’t waste any time. Well, lucky for Ryan, I am the Most Eligible Bachelorette in Fishers, IN…it’s his lucky day!

2. My friends already adore you and are very supportive of a future together. Trust me Ryan, this doesn’t come easy…my girlfriends don’t like everyone I date.

And the number one reason why I think I am the perfect rebound for Ryan Reynolds...

1. He was just nominated Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, and I have recently been told (my source will remain nameless, but let’s just say, he was a very reliable source at the time) that I have "gotten sexier with age". I was never good at math, correct me if I am wrong, but I do believe:

Sexiest Man Alive + Has Gotten Sexier With Age = True Love

So Ry Ry…hang in there, and by hang in there, I mean “text me”…these will be some tough months for you ahead!

Traditions elfing rock!

The holidays for me are sort of bitter sweet because they remind me so much of my mom. Not only did my mom LOVE Christmas, but she also celebrated her birthday and her wedding anniversary in the month of December. It was her absolute favorite time of year, and because of that I can’t help but get a little sad every time the holidays come around. I miss her more in the month of December than I do any other time of year. She loved the tradition of cooking, family and celebrating. I try to carry on those traditions, but they aren’t quite the same without her.

Her three favorite Christmas traditions that I try my best to carry on are:

1. Send Christmas cards to those that we love
2. Make endless amounts of cookies
3. Attend as many holiday parties as possible

This week, in honor of my mom, I am going to be partaking in all of the above.
Last night Gibson and I made almost two hundred cookies for my annual Girls Night In Cookie Exchange. I think I still may have some cookie dough underneath my fingernails. I will let you know for sure later in the day when I have a hankering for something sweet. They are made, bagged in cute little Christmas bags, and ready to share with the best of girlfriends, along with a glass or two or three of wine.

And the Christmas cards…those went out over the weekend. Sending and receiving Christmas cards is the ultimate tradition of the year. I love getting Christmas cards from my friends that I see every day, but I love receiving cards from those that I never get to see even more. And of course, it’s always fun to get one from those whom you would never expect to get one from. It’s fun to look back every year at the cards. Sometimes we cry at the memories but most of the time we laugh at how much our loved ones have changed over the years. Each year I spend an abnormal amount of time choosing the perfect card. Each year I say without fail, “this is by far the best card I have ever sent out.” And this year, wasn't any different.

Thought I would share it with you.

Here is the front...



...and the back (this is a true depiction of what goes on at my house on a daily basis)



But my favorite tradition of all is, of course, the Christmas parties. I am social by nature but usually don’t get out much during the year. I think I have hit the stage in my life where I would rather sit at home with a good glass of wine than go to the bars. So I take every advantage in the month of December to get out and socialize and celebrate. This week I have three separate parties to attend, yeah, I’m that popular! But more importantly, it gives me the opportunity to shop for the perfect dress and shoes! And we all know I love to shop.

Selfishly, I love it when traditions benefit me in some way!

Cheers!

A funny thing happened on the way to independence

So you all know that this weekend I was determined to prove to myself yet again that I don’t necessarily need a man in my life.

Well guess what happened?

It was an epic FAIL!

I made the mistake of taking on the heavy task of flipping my mattress first thing Sunday morning. Big mistake! HUGE! Yep, I managed to do some damage to my back. It makes me feel very old and humiliated in a way. Kind of like how my mom must have felt when I was young and she threw her back out while taping a garage sale sign to a box in the driveway.

Yeah…that kind of humiliation!

Thank God when my kids got home from their dads they were able to drag the mattress back to its original spot.

My back and my brain are pissed at me for not accepting the offer of help with stuff around the house. I have been living on double doses of Advil, and maybe even a little prescribed pain medicine left over from a trip to the ER a couple of years ago, since Sunday morning. And to top it off, I’m walking around like a cowboy who just got off a 24 hour road trip on the back of a horse.

It’s not pretty!

I’m kicking myself right now for being so stubborn and trying to prove that I can be independent and do the chores on my own that were definitely intended for a man.

But it gets even better…I was a mess this morning while shoveling snow from my driveway.

Why did I do it if my back hurt, you might ask?

Because I had no other choice!

I tried to get out of my garage without shoveling, but the snow had drifted and I couldn’t. I laid in bed listening to my neighbor plow his driveway while sending desperate pleas his way, through mental telepathy, hoping that he would plow my drive way too.

It didn’t work.

I’m sure if I would have asked he would have helped me out, but I couldn’t do it…because I don’t know how to ask for or accept help when it is offered to me!

You see, ever since my divorce, independence is one thing that I swore I would never let go of. From day one, I was determined to not be one of those women that couldn’t survive unless I had a man in my life. I taught myself how to start a lawn mower, change a tire, and even chop down a tree (with a chainsaw of course). I was determined to never ever be put in a situation that I couldn’t handle. And here it is almost five and a half years of independence later and I finally found the one thing that I cannot accomplish on my own…flipping a freaking mattress!

I HATE asking for help!

I guess my brothers now have something to look forward to when they come for Christmas this year. I’m still a strong independent woman if my brothers help me flip my mattress, right?

Oh yeah…Mark & Alec, I will also need you to help me fix my computer, change the showerhead on my shower, and show me how to put air in the tires of my car while you are here…

This is just me being independent!